Site icon Krishna Rao

A Fool’s Hope

  • When your side project goes sideways

    Starting new projects and watching them fall by the wayside is a fact of modern-day life. I say modern-day because it is extremely easy to start something new today. In the 18th Century, you’d have to be really motivated to enroll in a doodling class and then start a webcomic series on Instagram. For one, you’d be living in a village and would have had to walk 20 kilometers to the nearest town to attend the class. More importantly, you’d have to wait 300 years for the internet and then Instagram to be invented.

    Today, I log in to a website, pay money via a plastic card, and attend the class. Or to be more precise I watch the first two videos of the class, and then reward myself by falling down the rabbit hole that is Netflix.

    While some of these endeavors are destined for the ditch (like my ill-fated attempt to learn Python programming), there are others that nag at me. These are persistent, and refuse to let me go – much like distant relatives at an Indian wedding.

    Such endeavors deserve my attention because they resonate with me. For me, this includes writing regularly and learning how to doodle. But it also includes stuff like exercising, maintaining my meditation practice, eating healthy. (I include these side projects because no one is paying me to do them. The only reason to do it is that they’re good for me.) But just because these things are important to me, doesn’t mean they (or I) won’t veer off the path with annoying frequency.

    I have realized that the problem isn’t that they veer off the path. It’s like expecting a toddler to sit at one place and eat their dinner. The problem is that I feel extremely bad when I do deviate or fail.

    I have written earlier on the virtues and mechanics of restarting. What I want to talk about here is how soon we should restart — or in other words press reset after fucking up something.

    To start again, all you need to do is hit reset. The sooner the better.
    Photo by Veri Ivanova on Unsplash

    So let’s say my goal is to exercise 4 days a week. It’s Thursday evening. Your exercise scorecard stands at a grand total of 0. You have clearly failed. Now the question: When do you hit reset?

    ‘Next Monday’ is a perfectly reasonable answer.

    But if we hit the reset button sooner, we can exercise Friday and Saturday. (Take a rest on Sunday. You deserve it slugger.) Because 2/4 is better than 0/4. And then start on Monday aiming for 4/4.

    My argument is that without those imperfect scores of 1/4 or 3/4, we are never going to reach a place where we hit 4/4.

    Similarly, if you had a New Year’s resolution to eat healthy, and have failed so far, start a July resolution to eat healthy for the next 5 months. And if you fail after a couple of days, start again right then and there. Don’t wait for January to hit reset.

    This is simple enough to understand, but very difficult to implement. Years of conditioning make us set these arbitrary units of time — in terms of years, months, weeks, and days.

    But what if we give ourselves the permission to reset at any given moment? Even if we fail — which we will — we give ourselves the chance to get back on track as soon as possible.

    Fail Fast is the productivity paradigm that many tech companies have used to build meaningful products. I would like to add a corollary to it: Fail Fast. Reset Faster.

  • Is it safe to change our opinions on the Internet?

    Social Media has revealed to me an important facet of the human psyche. It occurs to me that no matter what race, gender, or religion we belong, we have one thing in common: We are all a bunch of pouty 13-year-olds, who are convinced about the sanctity of our own opinions.

    Most of us love to take a grain of knowledge and spin opinions that are as pretty and fluffy, as cotton candy — and about as nutritious. We love airing them to anyone who will listen – and even people who don’t want to listen. We love defending them from “the haters” and “trolls”. (Never mind the fact that trolls live happily in their Scandinavian caves – their happiness rooted in the fact that their thick cave walls block out wireless connections and by extension the internet.) And we love dissing the opinions we don’t agree with – turning into trolls ourselves. (Again, my deepest apologies to the actual trolls, who I am sure are a lovely race.)

    But there is a special place in Twitter hell reserved for people who change their stance or are proved wrong on an issue. (One could also argue quite convincingly that all Twitter is hell.)

    Don’t get me wrong. I love it when news anchors or politicians are made to chew their own words. But dissing people when they change their stance, sends out the wrong message to the wider tribe.

    I have taken part in and observed many a passionate opinion slog fest. However, half an hour into an argument, a sense of disorientation sets in. I am not sure what we are trying achieve anymore.

    What started as a discussion shapeshifts into a debate, which shapeshifts into an argument, which shapeshifts into a screaming match, which shapeshifts ultimately into a pouty 13-year-old, who cares only about one thing – being right.

    There is no space to admit I might be wrong. Because in a combative environment, admitting one might be wrong means defeat. And we certainly do not like feel defeated.

    I have noticed this in others and I have noticed this in myself. All I want to do is tell the 13-year-old that it’s okay if you’re wrong. That the sky won’t come crashing down on you if you admit that you never should’ve worn that eyesore of a stone washed, ripped jeans.

    We need to create a world where it’s okay for people to come out and admit that they were wrong. A world in which changing an opinion will not be met with derision from the tribe. Because even the best and noblest among us are, in fact, imperfect apes, who can only get better if they’re given the room to change their opinions.

  • I used to love Mumbai rains. But then I bought a car

    History nerds love What-If questions. One of my favourite What-Ifs is this: What if the Portuguese hadn’t stumbled upon a group of seven islands with a calm harbour on the Western coast of India, which proved to be a good parking spot for their boats and ships?

    Would the bay and the seven islands in the area remain in their original shape? Would the rolling hills be covered with tropical trees even now? Would there be ferry services bringing tourists in from the mainland to this tropical paradise? Would there be a sea-facing restaurant on the island of Mahim, where you could sip lemongrass chai and gaze upon the island of Worli and Salsette?

    A rendering of the seven islands of Bombay. These do not include the city’s suburbs. The island peeking in from the upper left corner is Salsette. The area seen in the image above is called Bandra.
    By TIFR, Nichalp – TIFR, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=4580120asj
    By 1893 Bombay was on its way to become the monolith it is today. Salsette which forms a big chunk of Mumbai’s suburbs still hasn’t merged with the city. If you peer closely, you will make out the island of Versova in the upper left area of the map. My apartment complex would come up somewhere in this area 85-90 years later.
    ((By J.G. Bartholomew, Archibald Constable and Company – Constable’s Hand Atlas of India, 1893 edition, Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=7059758)

    As it turned out, the Portuguese did discover the bay. They called it Bom Bahia, or good bay, which eventually became Bombay and later, Mumbai. The British took over in the late 17th Century. Then a team of what I can only assume were testosterone-fueled engineers and urban planners went to work on the islands. They filled up the spaces between them with the vigour of a dentist closing cavities.

    By the time I was born – over three centuries after the British took over – Bombay was a monolith. A single island. The city grew in prominence largely because of its harbour. But the Arabian Sea that lapped Mumbai’s shores was never too happy with the arrangement. Every year, aided by monsoon, the sea would invade the land and temporarily lay claim to what in all honesty was her ancestral home.

    Growing up in Mumbai, this did not bother me in the least. I loved the monsoon season. It coincided with the start of a new school year. A time of new textbooks, fresh uniforms, and spirits unsullied by poor marks that would follow later in the year. It was also the season of roasted corn on handcarts. Of plums, peaches, litchis, and jamuns.

    But what I loved most about the monsoon season was the floods. As I remember it, in the 1990s, Mumbai would grind to a halt at least once during the monsoon season. Our apartment complex, which is built on low-lying land (or perhaps reclaimed land) in Mumbai’s suburbs, would be filled with knee-height or waist-height water.

    In the blissful age before the internet, thoughts of leptospirosis and other assorted waterborne diseases never occurred to me, my friends, or our parents. All the kids in the complex would wade through the water secure in the knowledge that there would be no school the next day. We would wait by the road for a hapless vehicle to pass by – enjoying the waves they left in their wake, which reminded us of the nearby Juhu beach.

    Sometime during the afternoon, the power would invariably cut off. But we didn’t care. It was raining and there was a temporary swimming pool in our society playground. Candles would be lit in the evening. The power would come back on late in the night. The flood was over.

    I realise now that I was in a position of privilege to thus enjoy the floods. My peers who lived in slums or out on the road wouldn’t have seen the floods in the same light. For them, it would’ve meant sleepless nights and the washing away of their precious earthly possessions.

    The only time I remember being afraid was when my mom did not return home the whole night. She had left from her workplace in Worli on the office bus. But there was no sign of her late into the night. A few of my friends in the complex too had parents who traveled by the same bus. So the tension was collective.

    Finally, at 3 am, the gang of moms trooped into the apartment complex. There was a collective sigh of relief.

    I grew up, got hooked to the internet, and learned about leptospirosis and other assorted water-borne diseases. I refrained from stepping out into the floods unless necessary.

    Then, on July 26, 2005, Mumbai received many million bucket loads of rain (official figures put it at 944mm of rain in 24 hours). The crimes of all our past testosterone-fueled urban planners and engineers came to roost. The Mithi River – which runs from the Powai hills to Mahim – especially had had enough of all the reclamation wrought upon it as it swallowed up many suburban areas it passed through.

    On that day, I left office and waded through chest-high water for nearly 5 kilometers, to reach a friend’s home. (My own home was some 25 kilometers away and quite impossible to reach.) Thousands of my fellow Mumbaikars trekked through flooded streets and highways for over 50 kilometers to reach the safety of their homes. The death toll was between 1,000 to 5,000.

    The city as a whole was traumatised. After 2005, I noticed that Mumbaikars, who were usually fearless in the face of rains, would get worried if it poured for more than 4-5 hours at a stretch.

    But I still loved the monsoon season. I would take a few hours off from work to visit the Worli sea face to enjoy the weather. The trip would end with a hot cup of chai and vada pav.

    However, over the past decade, I have seen a shift in Mumbai’s weather patterns. (A shift in the weather pattern is a glacial process. To witness such a tangible shift in one’s lifetime – let alone a decade – is deeply significant.) The 2005 floods may have been written off as a one-off event, but the frequency with which the municipal authorities issue Red and Orange alerts in the city has been increasing steadily. Two cyclones have passed close to Mumbai in the last two years. Instead of flooding once a season, Mumbai floods at least 2-3 times.

    Spot the cars! The sea continues to invade Mumbai – growing stronger every year. This photo appears to have been taken in 2008.
    (Photo by A Kap on Flickr)

    Nowhere is this more apparent than in my apartment complex. The playground is now a parking lot. And unfortunately, one of those cars standing there is mine.

    Every time the water comes rushing in, I, and other car owners, rush with our cars out. We take our cars to higher ground and wade back through the water. Doing this during the day is bad enough, but I have had to do this late at night, and a couple of times at 4 am in the morning!

    My apartment complex which would flood once a year now floods 4-5 times during the four-month monsoon season.

    Every once in a while I am tempted to just let the car be. But three years back, after my car was partially submerged in water, my auto-mechanic warned me, “The insurance is covering the flood damage this time. But don’t park your car where it floods. We will charge you full price next time.” He said this while signing off on repairs worth 1,50,000 rupees!

    Money may be a powerful motivator, but the thought of losing money is even more powerful. Since that day, I worry when the grey clouds gather over Mumbai. Every once in a while I head to my window – not to enjoy the shower and the cool breeze, but to keep an eye on water levels. I used to love falling asleep to the sound of heavy rains outside. No more. I cross my fingers and pray it doesn’t flood.

    The prayer seems hollow because it seems to me that I am the illegal occupier and the sea the rightful owner. However, the modern generation of urban planners and engineers continue to their proud testosterone-fueled tradition. Floods be damned. Apartment complexes today simply raise their ground level to keep the cars safe.

    I dream of moving into such an apartment one day. Of course, the easier thing to do would be to sell my car. I just want to enjoy – truly enjoy – the Mumbai rains once again.

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