Fear comes in all kinds of flavours. One flavour that plays an important part in our lives – or at least in my life – is the fear of having regrets. We try our best to avoid making choices that we will regret later in life.
This makes sense. An executive who works weekends misses out on time spent with friends and family. Closer to or after retirement this individual may feel regret – because there are no more deadlines to pursue and your neglected relationships lie in a ditch.
Now, let’s come back to the present. Our executive is, say, 35. Why is he working all the time? Perhaps his priority is to earn a lot of money because he is desperate to have financial security. Maybe he is really good at his job and wants to grow creatively and financially.
In order to avoid regrets, this guy decides to take his weekends off to spend more time with his family. This choice does mean he won’t get enough work done. It might slow his career growth. Now, there is fear that he might regret not pushing himself enough to fulfill his potential.
In the present moment, either choice might lead to regret later in life.
Afraid of this our man pushes himself hard during the week. He tries to do well at work, spend time with family, nurture his hobbies, manage a side-hustle, and show up at the gym to maintain his fitness. Do you see where I am going with this?
Without the acceptance that there are some things we simply won’t be able to accommodate in our limited lives, every choice will lead to regret. We can cultivate this acceptance by first making space for some regrets in our lives. We don’t try to do it all. We prioritise.
Regrets indicate that we have lived a life where we made choices. And that the self who is making choices is imperfect (and it’s okay if he is imperfect). That he has simply made the best possible choice as per his current understanding of life.
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